I never thought it would be this hard to let you go.
As much as i try it’s hard to face the facts that you aren't here with me.
You've moved on while I’m still here living in the past and what use to be.
The memories of you are the ones that make me smile and ones that make me cry.
Everyday i visit places that we use to be, i can still see the footsteps in my mind of where we tread together.
I know that i can never take back what i did and there isn't a day that goes by that i don’t regret it. I know you deserve someone a lot better than me and hope one day you'll find that someone. Maybe you already have, only time will tell. Our chapter has come to a close and it’s time to start writing a new one the only problem is i have no idea where to start rolling the pen. I’ve tried to start over but it isn’t real, I’ve built these walls around and in me to block everything out. I feel like I’ve lost myself in piles of worries that I keep to myself. I don’t like to trouble people with my worries, it only stresses them out, well the ones who actually want to hear it. At times i think have hypophrenia when I just have too much time to think and it sucks because I have a lot of reasons to smile for what I have and what I don’t.
I spend so much time nowadays making sure everyone else happy that I don’t think about mine. People seem to come to me when they have problems and then go away when everything’s fine. I wish a person would come to me and actually ask me how I am and wait for to answer it properly instead of instantly switching to their problems.
I’ve started in a new school and instead of helping me; I think it’s made me wonder who my real friends are. Now I know good friends are hard to come by but still by this time shouldn’t I have figured it all out? Boy life is a lot harder than it seemed when I was a kid *eat, play, sleep* and that was it. I guess the innocence of childhood has kinda rubbed off in this world. There isn’t much white or black left and way I see it, it’s becoming just a sea of grey as the years go by. Making decisions that seem so easy and logical are clouded by my emotions. Ethics I stood by just crumble to what my peer’s views.
Realising more and more of the world we live in and how people treat one another draws to me of how I treated people in the past and wonder how many people I’ve hurt, made upset or the friends I lost because of my actions. This was a couple of years ago when I made this observation and oddly enough, despite holding this view I have still fallen to woes of society and not practising what I preach. Life is a time full of promises we break and memories that break us, but to every cloud there’s a silver lining and to every bit of rain there’s rainbow. These are the moments that we should cherish and be optimistic about but it’s a wonder how many people see it as I do.
I guess it mostly trying to move on is the most concern for me. It’s hard to concentrate on my studies and I end up failing assignments. It annoys me that I use to try and now I don’t. I use a lot of brain power to keep my mind off it but its way more than I can handle and then I bum out.
Exams are over now and the new semesters about to start and I should really get on with it and try my hardest, lets just see how things go.
Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as ever you can. ~ John Wesley
